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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23897161">the place i called home (once desolate and alone)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsreysolo/pseuds/itsreysolo'>itsreysolo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben and Rey Defeated Palpatine Together, Communication Through The Force Bond, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions, Married Reylo, Mentions of Pregnancy, Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:54:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,244</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23897161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsreysolo/pseuds/itsreysolo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“<em>You lived in an AT-AT?</em>” he asks through the bond, almost as if he was afraid to speak the words out loud, into existence.</p><p>“Yeah,” Rey confirms, stopping just shy of the hatch. “Not the entire time. Just… most of it.”</p><p>“<em>But you were just a child.</em>”</p><p> <br/><strong>Three years after the battle of Exegol, Rey takes Ben to Jakku and shows him where she grew up.</strong></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>215</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the place i called home (once desolate and alone)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I tend to get carried away sometimes in my tags on tumblr, and a gifset sparked some inspiration to write this fic. I'm not sure if someone has already written this out yet? I mean, I'm sure someone has, but oh well.</p><p>I've always loved the idea of Ben and Rey being able to communicate through the bond, so I decided to include it in this.</p><p>I unfortunately don't have a beta, so all mistakes are my own.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jakku isn’t much different from when she left it. A couple more Star Destroyers lay in the wastelands, and a few more scavengers roam the outposts, but it’s still brown and lifeless. It still radiates an energy that hunts down and devours any sense of hope, leaving emptiness in its wake like the barren lands that cover the planet’s surface.</p><p>It only intensifies as she descends down the Falcon’s ramp. As the harsh rays of the sun scorch her delicate skin, and the air permeating her lungs attempts to suck up the life from within her, reminding her of the days she’d spent laying in the sand and staring up at the sky, silently hoping the ground beneath her would swallow her whole. The days her body ran on nothing but pure adrenaline, supplying her with just enough energy to get to her next source of food.</p><p>Ben doesn’t seem to be sensing the same kind of feeling – the loneliness the planet emits – but she supposes she doesn’t expect him to. He has no memories tied to this land, only the ones he’s seen from her through their visions. His features remain steady, only a slight furrow in his brow as he looks out towards the horizon, seeing only the slightest semblance of a machine burrowed into the landscape. She doesn’t give him the chance to question why she had landed the Falcon so far away from any sort of civilization before she steps foot into the sand, letting her feet guide her to the hunk of metal she once called home.</p><p>It becomes apparent as she makes her way closer that there’s been quite a few sandstorms in the four years she’s been gone, and that it’s going to take more than just her strength to open the door. But the confusion and distress radiating from Ben through their bond is enough to make her not want to turn around to ask for help.</p><p>She can’t stand to see the look on his face – the sorrow and pain in his eyes that she’d been avoiding all of these years. It was the reason why she’d left out the minor detail of where, exactly, she had lived during her time on Jakku. He knew she was an orphan, a scavenger, left by her parents to be raised by a junk trader. He’d seen bits and pieces of it, but it wasn’t enough to tell him the full story.</p><p>It was in the past, and it wasn’t important to her anymore.</p><p>“<em>You lived in an AT-AT?”</em> he asks through the bond, almost as if he was afraid to speak the words out loud, into existence.</p><p>“Yeah,” Rey confirms, stopping just shy of the hatch. “Not the entire time. Just… most of it.”</p><p>“<em>But you were just a child</em>.”</p><p>Rey lets out a long breath and finally turns to him, but it’s a mistake. They haven’t even made it inside yet and his eyes have already glossed over.</p><p>Maybe this <em>was</em> a bad idea.</p><p>“Plutt let me live with him for the first few years. He taught me how to fix numerous things, and how to clean parts.” She purses her lips for a moment before adding, “But once I was able to scavenge for them he’d send me off to look for certain ones, and told me not to come back until I’d found them. Sometimes it would take days.”</p><p>Something flashes across his face, stopping her from saying any more. His jaw tightens, working from side to side, and she knows there’s nothing she can say that could douse the flame that has started to run rampant inside of him.</p><p>“<em>It’s in the past</em>,” she tries anyway. “<em>He’s gone</em>.”</p><p>His features don’t change, not that she thought they would, and there’s a part of her that just wants to head back to the Falcon and pretend all of this never happened. But they’re already here, and she'd promised many times that she would show him one day, when she was ready.</p><p>And she <em>was </em>ready.</p><p>She wanted him to know every part of her.</p><p>And maybe, deep down, she hoped this would help her truly move on and let the past go.</p><p>Rey turns back to the AT-AT, no longer able to handle the look in his eyes. She grabs at the handle and pulls, but it doesn’t budge. Whether it’s from the sand blocking it or the lack of use over the years, she had no idea, but Ben's by her side before she even has the chance to ask. It doesn’t take much effort for him to pry it open, and sand tumbles through the door, dirtying the small area more than it was before.</p><p>It hasn’t changed one bit. Nothing’s gone, and it doesn’t seem like anyone’s used it as a place to sleep. It’s surprising, and she finds a part of herself that’s almost grateful for it, because even though she doesn't live here anymore, she still feels as if it's hers. It’s always going to be. A piece of her is always going to reside within its walls.</p><p>Ben’s immediately drawn to the markings – the ones he’d caught a small glimpse of when they first met – and she follows him as he gradually makes his way over to them.</p><p>His throat bobs as he takes all of them in, a deep frown on his lips. “There’s so many.”</p><p>“There should be more,” she whispers, bringing one of her hands up to trace along the tiny carvings. “Before I found this place I kept track of the days on a piece of scrap metal Plutt had lying around in his junkyard, but he eventually threw it away.”</p><p>Ben watches her, mirroring her movements, his large fingers covering multiple markings at one time. Something about it feels intimate – physically showing him this vulnerable part of her past that she thought no one would ever see. Watching him touch the etchings that were once the only reason why she continued to hope. The reason why she told herself that all of the pain she’d been enduring, physically and emotionally, was going to be worth it, in the end. When her parents came back and wrapped her in their arms, and told her that they still loved her. When they assured her that they never wanted to leave her, and that they had thought about her every second they had been gone.</p><p>But the day never came, and she was okay with that now. Because if it ever did, she may have never found the resistance. She may have never found her friends, or the people she called her family.</p><p>She may have never truly found <em>Ben</em>.</p><p>The thought of not having him in her life is unimaginable. It sends a pain through her chest for a reason she can’t thoroughly explain. She’s lost a lot of people in her life, each one leaving a bigger hole in her chest, but the thought of losing the only person who fully understood her in a way that no one could even begin to comprehend, was unbearable.</p><p>He’s her other half.</p><p>Her <em>soulmate</em>.</p><p>Without him, she’d be lost, wandering around in a universe with no direction. No one and nothing would ever be able to fill the void that would forever be carved out of her very existence.</p><p>Ben must sense her distress, because a firm hand comes to rest on her lower back, bringing her out of her thoughts. “We can go, if you want. We don’t have to stay.”</p><p>Rey shakes her head. “No, it’s okay.”</p><p><em>I’m okay</em>, she wants to add, but she knows he wouldn’t believe her. Lying to him isn’t something she's ever been good at, and sometimes she’s convinced he knows her better than she knows herself.</p><p>She focuses back to the wall, her eyes landing on the first mark she had ever made inside her makeshift home, and she’s reminded once again of all the days she had lost, the years she tried keeping up with, when Plutt had thrown the first piece away. Her only way of knowing how old she might be was gone, buried in the sand somewhere she’d never be able to find. She only had a best guess.</p><p>“My parents never told me what year I was born,” she murmurs, turning to roam around the small space. Her eyes catch sight of the small plant she’d bartered with a traveler for, and spent many weeks trying to bring it back to life. It reminded her of the one she’d first found growing in a small patch of sand inside of the AT-AT – the one that had convinced her to make this place her home. “So I’ve never known how old I am.”</p><p>“You’re twenty-three,” he replies, with such confidence it takes her by surprise. His lips purse for the briefest moment before adding, “You were born the day the flowers in my mother’s garden started to bloom. I was bringing a few of them to her when I felt something.” He begins crossing the distance between them, and it isn’t until he’s right in front of her that she notices her vision starting to blur. “It was warm, like being covered in a large blanket.” He lifts one of his hands to wipe away some of the fallen tears. “And being so young, I didn’t understand it at the time, but now that I look back, it was almost as if a part of me had been missing until then.”</p><p>A moment passes by where they just look at each other, her lips parting slightly as she tries to think of the right words to say. His hand continues to caress her cheek, his thumb running along her flushed skin.</p><p>“<em>Can I show you</em>?” he asks, still focusing on her intently.</p><p>She nods and closes her eyes, and the vision appears only seconds later.</p><p>
  <em>A boy – no older than ten – with hair as dark as the night’s sky stands in the middle of a bed of flowers, picking the few that are in full bloom, with a gentle smile gracing his face. Chewbacca’s standing in the distance, with his head tilted to the side, almost as if he’s debating on whether or not to stop Ben from plucking them out of the ground.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Look, Chewie!” he exclaims, barreling towards the Wookiee with the flowers in hand. “They’re mom’s favorite. She’s going to– “</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before he’s able to finish the thought, the little boy’s cut off by a light being ignited inside of him, filling all of the empty spots within himself he hadn’t even realized were there. It was the sense of belonging he’d been missing. The love he’d been longing for. The acceptance he’d been desperate to seek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s overwhelming, to the point of sending tears streaming down his delicate cheeks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you feel that?” he asks, looking back up at the Wookiee who’s now kneeling in front of him, studying him, with concern in his eyes. When Chewbacca shakes his head, he says quietly, “I feel… warm.” </em>
</p><p>It doesn’t truly occur to her until the vision fades that she’d had a similar feeling, when she was younger. When she’d been helping Plutt look for parts. But instead of the warmth she felt like she’d been doused with water that had been sitting out in the frigid night air. It felt like something had been taken away from her – something she didn’t know she had. It brought out a darkness that had been hidden away, filling her with a sense of hopelessness she’d tried so hard to suppress.</p><p>It was the first time she started doubting her parents were ever going to come back.</p><p>It was the first time she ever felt like giving up.</p><p>Ben’s staring at her when she opens her eyes, and the anguish she finds makes her realize he must have seen the memory replaying in her mind. It’s apparent he knows the reason why she felt the way she did in that moment. Maybe he’d felt something, too. But he doesn’t say anything, and she doesn’t push to ask.</p><p>She knows he’ll let her in when he’s ready.</p><p>The doll she’d made when she was younger sits on a shelf not far from where they’re standing, in the helmet she’d spent many hours wearing, pretending to be a pilot as she climbed through the ruins of the old Starships. She grabs it and gently wipes off the sand, careful not to rip the clothing that was already wearing thin. She was her copilot – the only comfort she’d had when she was afraid to fall asleep, scared that someone would find her and rob her of the little things she had.</p><p>Rey can sense Ben’s thoughts before she notices his presence beside her. There’s a deep sense of longing, wishing he could have known her sooner. Wishing he could have found her and taken her away. Wishing he could have been there to help her and provide her with everything she could ever need.</p><p><em>Maybe things would have been different</em>, he thinks. <em>Maybe I never would have turned to the dark side</em>.</p><p>“Maybe,” she replies. He must not have taken into account that she could hear him, because his eyes widen ever so slightly, the tips of his ears turning red. “But we can’t change the past. We’re together now, that’s all that matters.”</p><p>The corners of his lips tug up, and it’s all Rey needs to know how much he appreciates her statement. He’s never been good with words. She knows his upbringing is to blame. Especially with the voices that had manipulated him for so long, constantly telling him how to feel, convincing him push down the emotions that threatened to pull him towards the light.</p><p>He reaches out, silently asking to see the doll she still held in her grasp, and she hands it to him. The smile he once had falters, lips pressing into a firm line, almost seeming as if it pains him to know that the only toy she'd ever had was made from scraps of fabric and an old flight suit she’d found in a cargo container. For a brief moment, she thinks about showing him all of the fun adventures they went on together when she was a child – how many people they’d saved and all of the wars they had won – but the sound of his voice stops her.</p><p>“Does he have a name?”</p><p>“She,” Rey corrects him, giving him a smirk. “I named her Ræh<em>.”</em></p><p>“Ræh,” he repeats softly. His brows knit together, grazing over the orange outfit with his thumb. It looks so small in his hands, and even though she can see how gentle he’s being, a part of her worries it might fall apart. “You named her after yourself?”</p><p>She shakes her head. “No. After Captain Dosmit Ræh, the starfighter pilot,” she explains, grabbing the helmet off of the shelf. The amount of dirt coating it and the scratches covering its surface makes her wonder how she’d ever managed to see out of it. “I found this while scavenging one of the ships. Apparently it belonged to her.”</p><p>Rey offers it to him and takes the doll back, carefully putting it in the bag slung over her shoulder.</p><p>“How do I look?”</p><p>The sight she’s met with when she looks back up causes her to giggle. It looks a little snug, and it’s questionable whether or not it’s comfortable over his ears, but the helmet seems to fit.</p><p>She reaches up to adjust it a bit. “You look great,” she answers. “Like a true starfighter pilot.”</p><p>His smile is the last thing she sees before her surroundings fade, leaving her in complete darkness.</p><p>
  <em>A heartbeat, too fast to be her own, is the only thing she hears as she tries to navigate through the black abyss. She follows it, the thumping growing louder the closer she gets, and after what seems like a lifetime, a small light appears. She reaches out, hoping to find some answers, but as soon as her fingers touch the tiny orb she’s shoved into another vision.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This time she’s in a garden – her garden. It's familiar, but not at the same time. There's plants where there used to be nothing but soil, and bushes towering above her head. Trees she had only planted a few weeks ago have grown tremendously, already starting to bear the fruit she's been desperate to taste. The flowers are just beginning to bloom, a sure sign it's getting close to the warmer months, and she takes a moment to breathe in the aroma drifting through the air.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Momma!" A voice calls out, sounding distraught, and before she has a chance to process what’s happening her feet are guiding her in the direction it comes from.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But as she wanders deeper within the maze of plants and trees she becomes aware of the fact that she doesn't know this landscape as well as she thought she did, and everything around her starts to close in, suffocating her. Something inside of her screams, begs her to find whomever it came from and cradle them in her arms. It's an instinct – one she feels like she's had for many years – to protect this tiny being, and the heavy silence does nothing to quell the overwhelming feeling that something is wrong.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A small figure finally comes into view as she rounds a corner, and the sight of the three miniature buns in the child’s dark hair stops Rey in her tracks. She’s facing away from her, but she can tell the little girl is sniffling by the way her shoulders rise and fall.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rey takes the last few steps towards her before falling to her knees, bringing the child into her embrace. “It’s okay,” she finds herself whispering. Tiny arms wrapping around her neck threatens to bring tears to her eyes. She's okay and she's safe, and a part of Rey is reluctant to ever let her out of her sight again. “I’ve got you.”</em>
</p><p>Just as fast as the vision came, it’s gone, and her hand instantly lands on her lower belly. She can feel it now – the presence she wasn’t aware was there.</p><p>“Ben.” His name comes out barely above a whisper, and the relief that washes over him makes her believe that she’s probably been incoherent for some time. </p><p>She wastes no time in taking his hand, placing it on the same spot over her grey tunic. His brows draw together, lips parting for the briefest moment before she reaches out into the Force and shows him what’s lying just beneath the surface of her skin. A light, so strong and brilliant, radiates under their palms.</p><p>It’s a wonder how neither of them had felt it before.</p><p>He stares at her, tears welling in the corners of his eyes, reveling in the sensation. And they start to form in her own as she watches his lip quiver ever so slightly at the realization of what it all means.</p><p>They’d been trying for so long, both of them on the brink of losing hope. She had started to blame herself, wondering if it was due to the malnutrition she’d faced when she was a child.</p><p>But that hadn’t been the case. She didn’t need to worry about it anymore.</p><p>They were going to have a family.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You can find me on tumblr @ itsreysolo :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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